Time To Ground The Pigs, Launch New Adynations
A favorite old adynation is just not cutting it any more. Saying “when pigs fly” to describe something that is extremely unlikely to occur has become tired, worn out. So totally yesterday, if you will.
Updating it to having the pigs flying out of one’s butt extended the life of the saying – certainly made it more graphically wince-worthy – but that, too, has succumbed to overuse and a fading of shock value.
Time for a whole new expression of virtual impossibility. And, for purposes of this website, one which brings automobile racing into play.
After watching the last six months of racing, the following might be considered worthy of consideration in the quest for a new top adynation:
– Oh, that’ll happen…when a NASCAR driver shows up in Victory Lane without his wife and toddlers.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when Danica Patrick takes blame for a negative on-track incident.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when IndyCar drivers take the green flag in the order in which they qualified.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when a member of the John Force family displays imperfect teeth.
– Oh, that’ll happen… when a NASCAR driver looks into a fan’s eyes and thanks that fan, after signing an autograph for him or her.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when a team owner turns down sponsorship money for any reason whatsoever.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when the managing editor of this website learns to catch his own typos.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when television networks stop putting weather girls in the garages and pits and then calling them reporters.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when Mark Martin goes negative on something, anything.
– Oh, that’ll happen …when a Busch brother goes positive on something, anything.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when the four-wide salute to fans fails to get an Outlaws crowd to its feet.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when Bernie Ecclestone cares about anything other than himself.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when Martinsville hot dogs become as tasty as Indianapolis Motor Speedway pork tenderloin sandwiches.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when fans start saying to themselves; gee, I wish those drivers made more money and lived more extravagant lifestyles.
– Oh, that’ll happen…when people around NASCAR stop saying “it is what it is” and start providing real answers to tough questions.
This is a genuine call for elucidation: What exactly brought out all the twhaters after Sunday’s race at Pocono?
Seems a lot of social-media thumbers went off on Jimmie Johnson because of his late race spin. So much so that Johnson responded with a rather forceful tweet of his own; one about people with their heads up their, um, butts.
Some of us on the fringes of the keyboard-jockeying lifestyle came away with an incomplete understanding of the situation. Did some fans think Johnson tanked the race to get teammate Jeff Gordon a victory and, hence, a Chase berth? Were they Matt Kenseth fans thinking Johnson cost them a shot at a victory? Are they just not into Johnson or quiet five-time champions?
Is the racing world on the precipice of Courtneymania?
If not, why not?
The youngest daughter of NHRA Funny Car legend John Force has everything that Danica Patrick has in terms of things only tangentially associated with racing. In terms of racing itself, Courtney Force appears to have the chops.
Good media friend Terry Blount of ESPN.com gets to walk the NHRA environs a lot. Knows the sport well. An email from him came this way after the Seattle race which Courtney won. Blount said he thinks that Courtney is en route to be coming the best woman race-car driver ever.
As the round wins pile up for Courtney Force, and as the RTs come down, it’s getting tough to argue with that.
Blount also waved off a question about whether or not John Force tanked it in his semifinal head-to-head with Courtney on Sunday. A lot of top drivers had problems in the right lane that day, Blount said. Brut was one of them.
Finally, TV guys might want to ease up a bit on the hyperbolic rants about Greg Pickett’s Muscle Milk American Le Mans Series team going for six straight victories at Road America.
Nothing against Pickett’s effort or the driving abilities of veteran sports car stars Lucas Luhr and Klaus Graf, but there are only two other cars competing in the ALMS’s LMP1 class right now.
Now, if Mucsle Milk were to finish fourth in Elkhart Lake, we would have ourselves a story.
– Jim Pedley can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org