Woody: Old Tow-Truck Defense Seldom Succeeds
Larry Woody | Senior Writer
I could have told Richard Childress and Clint Bowyer that their claim that a tow truck bumped into the rear of their race car and rendered it illegal probably wouldn’t work.
It’s the oldest trick in the book.
When I was kid my teacher wanted to know what happened to my homework. I told her a tow truck ran over it.
My mom ordered me to eat my spinach. I told her a tow truck driver would eat it for me.
As a teenager I wrecked my dad’s car. I told him a tow truck ran a red light.
Fumes from a passing tow truck made me so groggy that one night at the drive-in I mistakenly called my girlfriend Lucy “Melba.”
Those same fumes caused me to draw to an inside straight in a poker game.
Coming home empty-handed on the evening of my wife’s birthday, I explained that a tow truck had crashed into the only gift shop that was still open.
I got out of yard work when a tow truck ran over the rake.
In a golf tournament I missed an easy putt when a tow truck honked its horn.
A tow truck roaring past the lake made the fish stop biting.
I explained to a traffic cop that I was speeding to get a tow truck off my bumper.
When all else fails …
Nobody knows how far back the tow-truck defense goes but it’s believed the Fall of the Roman Empire began when a tow truck driver accidentally backed into a pillar that was supporting the Coliseum.
Another little-known historical fact: several of the Sioux who overpowered Custer at Little Big Horn were driving tow trucks.
While it’s true that tow trucks have been to blame for a lot of our problems over the centuries, they also have been used as a convenient excuse for everything from an illegal race car to the spread of swine flue (a tow truck driver sneezed) and broken marriages (someone else towed away her heart.)
I was watching an old Masterpiece Theater movie mystery the other night and the inspector suspected that the butler did it. The butler claimed he was innocent – he said he’d been framed by a tow truck driver.
He had about as much luck as Bowyer’s race team.
– Larry Woody can be reached at email@example.comNo Comment