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Woody: Old Tow-Truck Defense Seldom Succeeds

| Senior Writer, RacinToday.com Thursday, October 7 2010

The tow truck defense may have been a bad move from the start for Clint Bowyer and his team. (Photo by Jason Smith/Getty Images for NASCAR)

Larry Woody | Senior Writer

I could have told Richard Childress and Clint Bowyer that their claim that a tow truck bumped into the rear of their race car and rendered it illegal probably wouldn’t work.

It’s the oldest trick in the book.

When I was kid my teacher wanted to know what happened to my homework. I told her a tow truck ran over it.

My mom ordered me to eat my spinach. I told her a tow truck driver would eat it for me.

As a teenager I wrecked my dad’s car. I told him a tow truck ran a red light.

Fumes from a passing tow truck made me so groggy that one night at the drive-in I mistakenly called my girlfriend Lucy “Melba.”

Those same fumes caused me to draw to an inside straight in a poker game.

Coming home empty-handed on the evening of my wife’s birthday, I explained that a tow truck had crashed into the only gift shop that was still open.

I got out of yard work when a tow truck ran over the rake.

In a golf tournament I missed an easy putt when a tow truck honked its horn.

A tow truck roaring past the lake made the fish stop biting.

I explained to a traffic cop that I was speeding to get a tow truck off my bumper.

When all else fails …

Nobody knows how far back the tow-truck defense goes but it’s believed the Fall of the Roman Empire began when a tow truck driver accidentally backed into a pillar that was supporting the Coliseum.

Another little-known historical fact: several of the Sioux who overpowered Custer at Little Big Horn were driving tow trucks.

While it’s true that tow trucks have been to blame for a lot of our problems over the centuries, they also have been used as a convenient excuse for everything from an illegal race car to the spread of swine flue (a tow truck driver sneezed) and broken marriages (someone else towed away her heart.)

I was watching an old Masterpiece Theater movie mystery the other night and the inspector suspected that the butler did it. The butler claimed he was innocent – he said he’d been framed by a tow truck driver.

He had about as much luck as Bowyer’s race team.

– Larry Woody can be reached at lwoody@racintoday.com

| Senior Writer, RacinToday.com Thursday, October 7 2010
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