Woody: Shootout Experiences A Growth Spurt
The lines of cars for practice sessions at this year's Bud Shootout could be quite a bit longer than in years past. (Photo by Rusty Jarrett/Getty Images for NASCAR)
Larry Woody | Senior Writer
RacinToday.com
Several weeks ago, NASCAR announced its new criteria for the Bud Shootout and as I understand it, everybody is eligible except Carl Long.
Only kidding. Robby Gordon can’t get in either.
Other than that, there should be few who fail to meet the more liberal requirements. Those eligible include:
All 12 Chase drivers
Chevy Chase
Past Cup champs
Past Bud champs
The Bud Clydesdales
Bud Moore
Bud Selig
Past Daytona winners
Past Daytona losers
Past Daytona brawlers
Winning rookies
Whining rookies
All pole sitters
All outside pole sitters
All pole vaulers
Every driver who ever hit Cale Yarborough in the nose and lived to tell about it
All drivers who have posed in a bikini in the SI Swimsuit Edition
Anyone who knows all the words to “All My Rowdy Friends …”
Every driver who has ever smashed a trophy guitar
Any driver who has said “awesome” in a TV interview
Everyone named Bubba
Former drivers who are now TV commentators
All genius crew chiefs
Anyone ever punched by Jimmy Spencer
TV stars who have appeared in racing movies
Linda Vaughn, for no particular reason
All drivers with colorful nicknames
All known survivors of the Boar’s Head
All drivers who once had crew cuts
A.J. Foyt because nobody has the nerve to tell him he can’t
Any driver who ever raced with a monkey in the cockpit.
Any racer who has been referred to as “Plaintiff.”
My buddy Road Hog, because he’s always wanted to
The bouncer at the Shark Lounge
Wise-acre sports writers who clearly have ‘way too much time on their hands
That pretty much covers it. Should be a heckuva a race.
– Larry Woody can be reached at lwoody@racintoday.com
3 Comments
Woody,
Again, you have written a really “punny” story with has a lot of truth…. underlying, but still truth. Ah, Woodrow, if I could just borrow your genius for a few moments, maybe I too could write a masterpiece.
I bet NASCAR has a special place for you in their new hall of famey!
Larry, I like your story! :) I am glad to see Kenny Schrader back on the track and if this is what it takes…I am good with it. I e-mailed Red-Bull yesterday to ask if there would be any Kenny Schrader Bud Shoot-out t-shirts and they said “no”. Their mistake. :) Marybeth
O and don’t forget anyone’s last name that begins with A through Z. Your pun is well taken, I totally agree with you!